When you go from hero to zero, it can mess with your identity. At one point in my life, I liked to tell myself that my 5th graders saw me as a hero. Perhaps they didn’t, but I knew in my heart that I was created to teach because it made me come alive! I would live, breathe, and eat teaching. I never imagined I would ever walk away from it.
When transitioning out of education, I took a 2 year leave from the district, giving myself room to possibly turn back if things didn’t workout as an entrepreneur. Yesterday, I officially turned in my resignation and finally cut the cord! If I can be honest, things aren’t quite working out the way I imagined them, and as things continue to unfold, more of my insecurities are coming out. Some voices are telling me I should probably turn back to what I’m good at, and get myself out of this place of so many uncertainties.
As I’m walking through my season of zero, I am asking a lot of questions and wondering if I really have what it takes to move forward with the things God put on my heart. It has been a constant struggle of releasing control, trusting in God’s perfect timing, and continuing to have faith and hope for what’s to come. I wish I had it all figured out, but I don’t. I wish I had unwavering courage, but I don’t. I wish I had all the resources necessary, and I don’t. My wish list can go on and on and on…. I have no idea what’s next, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid. So let’s be frank...I am really, REALLY scared that I am making the wrong choice because I don’t know what I’m doing.
One-by-one, my ugly insecurities are surfacing, and I am working through each one. Every day and especially today, I just simply need Jesus. Without him, I am nothing. Without him, I can’t do anything. Without him, I would be lost. Jesus is and will always be the solution to all of my problems. He is the beginning, middle, and end. He is the reason I can get up every morning, even when my life looks like a mess. He is the reason I still believe in my calling, even when my finances reflect otherwise. He is the reason I can find rest at the end of the day, even when my heart is unsettled and my thoughts run wild. It’s His everlasting peace that enthralls me, and I am made new every morning.
So where am I headed? I don’t really know. I do know I am right where God wants me to be, and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. God helped me to close one chapter of my life, and I’m handing the pen over to Him so He can continue to write my story His way and not my way. To be continued...
From my heart to yours #14
Prayer is the best gift I could ask for, and I would forever be grateful for anyone that wants to stand with me in prayer. I don't have anything specific because there are so many things. Whatever God puts on your heart to pray for is my #1 prayer request. Thank you a million times!
I'm using this space to simply share the meaningful things that burn my heart and the random things that run through my mind. Simply desiring more vulnerability and authenticity in my life.