Every time I would see another engagement posted on instagram or I would come across another status change “married” on Facebook, it was when the level of anxiety kicked up another notch. Every time a family member asked, (with good intentions of course, but it didn’t feel like that at the time) “Shouldn’t you be thinking about settling down and getting married?”, it was when I frustratingly wanted to scream “YES! Of course I do!” Then there were other days when the fear of being left behind, being overlooked or even completely forgotten that stirred up all kinds of ugly. That pretty much summed up my twenties and early thirties, and the load eventually got way too heavy for me to carry.
Hello! My name is Sarah Jung, and I am a recovering Serial Monogamous Dater. It all started sometime in middle school, and somehow I found myself in a constant cycle year after year. I didn’t know how to be alone, and I didn’t want to be alone. I found my self-worth in men, and cultivated an unhealthy dependency on them. The way I bounced back from a heartbreak was jumping right into another relationship. Worst choice ever, but that was the stupid choice I made. I say stupid because I never allowed my heart to heal, I compromised my character, and I hurt other people along the way. The jaded, hopeless, and heartless person was the result of my choices.
Today, I am 36 going on 37 years old, and I would’ve never imagined that I would still be unmarried and single. I can proudly celebrate and declare that I finally broke that sick cycle and remained completely independent the past 2 years…whooohooo! To be completely honest, it was really, REALLY tough at times, and I was tempted to go back to my old ways one too many times. However truth be told, I wasn’t completely alone throughout the process. I had nowhere else to turn, and found myself turning to Jesus for answers and comfort. Sometimes He even became my punching bag when I was faced with anger, frustration, and discouragement, but thank goodness I’m forgiven! There were layers upon layers of unresolved pain and scars, and it was crucial I spent careful time fully healing and restoring before I even thought about dating again.
As I share my story, there may be some that parallel mine. However, although everything could look and sound the same, the process and struggle we’re working out may be different. And for those who experienced something completely different from me, might discover that the process and struggle could actually be the same. We are truly the only ones that know what’s going on in our hearts so we have to be willing to be real and honest with ourselves. Stop covering it up and brushing it under the rug…let everything out and get rid of the junk (note to self)! When vulnerability becomes more natural, we’ll discover that all those weighted burdens will begin to fall to the ground one by one. Doing regular heart checks was one way I experienced freedom and growth the past two years. I’ve learned to admit my flaws and also created healthy boundaries with people and circumstances. I don’t get it right all the time, but thank goodness tomorrow is always a new day!
From my heart to yours #8:
Here are some practical things I do to renew my mind and restore my heart:
I'm using this space to simply share the meaningful things that burn my heart and the random things that run through my mind. Simply desiring more vulnerability and authenticity in my life.