I gave my blog a rest until I figured out my direction, actually I was waiting on God's BEST direction. After several months of wrestling with the Lord and overcoming doubt, fear, and hopelessness, I finally figured out what I wanted to share with the world...the known and unknown mission fields God has in stored for me. I quickly learned that I will be falling on my face A LOT, encountering roadblocks A LOT, and taking detours A LOT, but I also learned that I will be okay (actually more than okay...I will be BLESSED) because my Daddy up above has my back and loves me even more in those moments.
Sooooo...I thought I was set on going back to grad school, and I even spent weeks writing my personal statement and filling out my grad school application. I also had a deadline to turn in my halftime leave or possibly resignation for work because there was no way I can attend school full time and work full time. In my perfect world, I wanted to know that USC accepted me so that I could have peace of mind as I made my decision about leaving the field of teaching, but of course it's never that easy. As the deadline was nearing, I can feel the level of anxiety increasing day by day, and I didn't know what to do; I felt numb. A wise friend encouraged me to simply go with the decision that gave me the most peace and that's what I did. I didn't know if I got into grad school, I didn't know how I would financially support myself, I didn't know what in the world I was doing...I just simply made a decision in faith that my Father will lead, and I just had to keep moving forward one step at a time.
As soon as I turned in all the necessary paperwork to USC and work, that burning desire to go to school vanished...I was left confused! What do I do now??? Unknowingly, I had used grad school as a safety net to pull out of teaching. If I made the wrong decision, at least there would be something productive I would be doing. I took it back to my Heavenly Father, and He assured me that I'm heading in the right direction and I didn't miss a single step. He revealed that grad school was not it, but I needed to go through the process for a greater purpose. It was then that I realized three things: I didn't need to rely on an institution to teach me what I already knew, writing my personal statement helped me to narrow my focus, and Holy Spirit will be my teacher as I venture into the unknown and uncover my entrepreneurial spirit.
Last month I received my letter of acceptance to USC, but I kindly turned down the offer with overwhelming peace and comfort in knowing God is leading and I just simply need to follow. With only a part-time job and a desire to start a non-profit organization, I am learning that trusting and hoping in God's faithfulness is not an easy feat and I'm still a work in progress. However, I am beyond thankful that I have the privilege and honor to walk this earth consumed by His grace and mercy, and He will always come to my rescue. In FAITH I will go leaps and bounds to see God's plan unfold, in HOPE I will expect that God will fulfill His promise beyond my expectations, and with LOVE I will encounter people and strengthen relationships.
From my heart to yours #1:
I'm sure some of you are wondering, "How does this girl know she's really hearing from God?". And to be honest, I ask myself that question more often than I would like, but I learned not to sit in the place of doubt and fear for too long. I choose to first listen then MOVE. Sometimes I'm dragging my feet and other times I'm sprinting ahead, but I'm moving, even if I can't see what's ahead of me. As I'm moving, I'm intentionally putting things to a test and prayerfully watching what happens. It sounds risky and maybe a little reckless to some, but it doesn't have to be and it isn't! If your heart and gaze is positioned toward the Heavenly Father, and you are giving it your best to be like Christ, then it's not a risk! God loves us, really really LOVES us and ONLY wants the best for us, but in order for us to receive everything He has to offer, then our hearts need to provide the space to receive all His goodness. If the room is small then God can only fit so much in that cramped space, but if it's an open space with no walls then God has no limitations to move and work in our lives. What He can reveal and manifest is ENDLESS! It's simply a matter of, how much space are you willing to give up?
I'm using this space to simply share the meaningful things that burn my heart and the random things that run through my mind. Simply desiring more vulnerability and authenticity in my life.